Closet Eater Backstory

I remember when my mom commented to me as a child, “I don’t know how it is you’re gaining so much weight; you don’t eat anything.” Little did she know, I had just eaten four corn dogs, chips, and dessert prior to her arrival from work. There were plenty of people living in the house so, who ate what was never questioned. It didn’t come to realization that I had a problem. At social functions I would either not eat or find a hiding spot were I felt comfortable enough to consume the food. I always considered this act a result of shyness. I was worried people would watch me eat to try and determine the cause of my obesity, so I would wait for the opportune hour when no one was around and binge. There were times it felt as though my appetite had no end.

Without attempting to identify the cause of the eating problem, I began a health journey in my early twenties that would foretell the commonly heard story of yo-yo weight loss and gain. At some point during my search for weight lose remedies, I had acknowledged myself as a closet binge eater. Initially, I believed the solution was to learn how to eat healthy and exercise. Of course, given my history of poor food choices and not even tasting or discovering Earth’s abundance of vegetables, that turned out to be easier said than done. Move forward to recent years, I was revising one poem and writing another, both centered around my father’s consumption of alcohol. While writing, the reminder that addiction is genetic came to the forefront of my mind. So, I decided to concoct a poem center around my own habit. Prior to I had never discussed my food issues with anyone. So, in a sense, I’d come out the closet.

During the writing process, it was as if I were the pen and the paper my therapist. I had realized that instead of remedying the issue, I was trying to, but failing at, replacing one habit with another. By attempting to fix my over consumption of food by way of exercise, I had only placed a temporary bandage on it. To anyone this may not seem like a great revelation, but for me, it wasn’t until this I gained full control. A blog with tips to controlling food over consumption and overcoming closet eating will come in the near future. However, for now I’ll just leave with what was the inspiration behind the poem, “Closet Eater.”

Until next time, continue to discover and improve.

Alisia